Archive for May, 2010

Hey xxBadt0uch69xx

How dare you think that you killed me on the upper level of Power House.

STUPID.

Your feeble attempt to throw both of your frag grenades in the room after emptying the clip of your MA5 Assault Rifle insults me.

Now maybe, if most of those bullets actually hit me instead of spraying them around the room, you might have stood a chance, but no, you spilled your rounds like so much teenage seed during puberty.

Now the 2nd grenade definitely would have been the end of me, but your childish aim sent it right to where the first one landed.

FOOL!

My shields were totally down. Down and my health meter had only two bar left. I smelt your fear as you were chucking away, running backwards to reload.

I knew I needed only to get to the doorway facing the bridge to end this.

The same way I knew that you would come charging in with the grace of an intoxicated manatee.

The hardest part was deciding in which way to dispatch you.

Should I wait and stick you with the alien Plasma Grenade and you came charging in. Blessing you the extra seconds of knowing your fate and letting you run around reveling in helplessness.

Or is a blast from my M90 Assault Shotgun followed by a humiliating melee attack more fitting.

THATS RIGHT! I had shotgun!

You MORON!

Your attacks were akin to using rocks compared to my suppeior fire power, and to finish you with a slap from my hand is all to befitting your bitchiness.

NO.

These deaths are all to good for a such a poor adversary.

Skills that should not be wasted on an IMBECILE!

The only fitting death for you is an Assisinaton.

A beautifully quite symphony to juxtapose your cacophonous comedy of errors.

So I wait.

I wait to hold down the melee button so that we both can enjoy your end.

You will be surprised, no doubt, at first when your controls do not respond to your repeated random button mashing, but that shock will be nothing compared to the sickening reality that will set in when you witness a context-sensitive, third-person assassination animation.

ENJOY!

Enjoy, biatch!

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The Artwork of Exquisite Corpse

The internet’s an amazing thing. Or is it a place? It’s definitely not a person. Anyway, the internet’s an amazing thing place. One Sunday afternoon shortly after Claymore had decided on Exquisite Corpse as the name of our upcoming live internet sketch comedy show, we Google-imaged the phrase “exquisite corpse.” Within seconds, we were looking at a digital illustration of a beautiful woman, hair flowing weightlessly in the air, her right arm growing into a tree branch, her left arm evolving into a piece of antiquated machinery, and her torso a conglomeration of human skeleton and crumbling soil. The image was not high resolution enough for us to notice yet that the flowers blossoming from the woman’s arms, or the butterfly on her shoulder, were in fact words in the shapes of the very things that they spelled. “If only we could get an image like this for our poster…” we said to ourselves.

After a minimal amount of net digging, we found the website of the graphic designer in Colombia responsible for the work. A couple weeks later, we had her permission to use the illustration. As Claymore promotes the fast-approaching premiere of EXC (Sun. May 30, 8pm CST), we give Patricia Bravo much thanks for granting us permission to meld her stunning, twisted image with the visual identity of our show, and for nothing more in return than credit and this plug to her portfolio website: http://doll-lucci.deviantart.com.

And without further adieu, here is the EXC poster:

Exquisite Corpse Winning Poster

If you live in Chicago and see one of these bad boys in your local coffee shop or theater, I would highly recommend taking a close look at the detail of Patricia’s work.

The internet’s an amazing place. No, thing. Hold on- Wikipedia tells me it’s a global system. That sounds like something the internet would say about itself. Anyway, it allows connections to be made, sometimes seemingly instantaneously, from across the world. And on May 30 at 8pm CST, it will allow us to live edit and broadcast our sketch show from Studio BE (3110 N Sheffield Ave., Chicago, IL) to anyone in the world who cares to watch it.

There will be many more people to credit and thank and much more to show soon. Please check back at www.claymoreproductions.com in the upcoming weeks as we release more content building up to the premiere.

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