Archive for May, 2011

12 oz of Feeling

BeerHey Beer,
You might not remember this, but my uncle introduced us.
It was a steamy sticky heat and the smell of fresh cut grass surrounded us.
I was leaning on the hood of a dirty white car, had my first sip.
I spit and likened you to dishwater.
We parted ways that day and didn’t come across each other again for a long time.

In high school I slighted you for quicker, more flashy libations.

Ah, youth.

More concerned with the destination than the journey.
Like a friend of a friend, you and I would end up at a party together and be forced into a sort of sterile social interaction.
Oh, we would pretend.
For the first few years in College, we would both take advantage of each other.
Me, beguiled by you in your most base form.
You, reducing me to mine.
For the obscene amount of time we spent together, we scarcely saw one another.
Hiding in plain sight.
Until, and I will never know why, a paradigm shift.

I desired you.

It surprised me most of all.
That day. The heat. It would echo of our first encounter.
Only this time I would come to you.

As I developed, I would consume you mentally and find my respect for you.
I would get snobbish with you.
A pendulum of thought.

Living with you now, I see you as an expression of joy.
Sometimes imperfect but always triple hops brewed Miller Light,
With that great pilsner taste!

 

 

 

*This blog is brought to you by 2011 Miller Brewing Co,Milwaukee,WI

 

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art + beer = i’m a genius

i’m pumped because I’m taking my first every art class and it turns out I’m really good.  i mean it’s not my first.  i did arty stuff in elementary school like everyone else, but now I’m doing it in a serious way in this art120 elements of form class and i’m completely holding the class by the scrote. we’ve got this assignment to make something out of materials that you don’t think would be use for art.  what i’m doing is so ingenuious, they’ll probably ask me to teach a class next semester.  i’ m working on this sick sculpture using cardboard from keystone light boxes that my bromate and i never got around to throwing out.  i’ve heard that artists are suppose to create things out of what they know, and i know keystone light. i’m pretty positive that no ones made art out of beer before.

i can’t tell what it’s going to be yet but it’s completely clutch. i’m going for something abstract and modern, with hints of surrealism. at first i thought it might be some kind of badass war machine. But my teacher jeff said it looked like a flower and i’m def going for something no homo so I’m trying to change it now.  it’s a good thing my broomie Bobo and i hardly ever take out the trash. i was on my way to taking it out last monday cause it was starting to get rank but he was hiding behind our door and jumped me on my way to the hallway. we started fake wrestling like we do and then it turned into real wrestlingn like always happens and then the whole 4th floor watched us go at it. but then I got a concushon so we had to stop and I never took out the trash.  but now I’m running out of keystone boxes.

i’d call my “lady friend” to pick me up some more but that dumb flooz messed up my iphone last weekend with her vomit.  if I try to turn it on, I just see my dave matthews wallpaper without any of my icons!  GDWTFS!?! i’m going to see if my RA Raz will let me take his car out again to pick up some more.  i’ve got to go tho. i hear bobo coming down the hall.  i’ve got a tube of icy hot and i’m going to hide in his closet so I can get him good this time.

peace,

the D Meister


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Irish Oatmeal Stout

Irish Oatmeal Stout (adapted from beerrecipes.org)

Ingredients:

  • 0.5 lb. Flaked Oats
  • 0.5 lb. Special B
  • 0.25 lb. Crystal Malt (1200)
  • 0.25 lb. Chocolate Malt
  • 6.6 lbs. Dark LME
  • 4 fl. oz. Dry Flaked Oats
  • 5 oz. Malto Dextrin
  • 1 oz 5.5% AA Fuggle (Bittering)
  • 1/2 tsp. Irish Moss
  • .5 oz 4.5% AA Willamette (Aroma)
  • Danstar Nottingham Ale Yeast
  • 5 oz. Corn Sugar (Priming)

 

Primary Ferment: 6 Days 

Secondary Ferment: 4 Days

This is a great stout, folks, for those of you who prefer a drier, Irish-style oatmeal stout. We’re going to start by adding the grains slowly and evenly, while we raise the heat to 150 degrees. Now, ideally this should take about an hour, but it’s hard to be patient, right? And, if your hands are shaking like mine were because you just quit smoking, it’s going to be difficult to control that pour. I suggest lighting up just one last cigarette to steady the old hands.

Now, after you let that simmer for about 20 minutes (or, as I like to call it “two scotches”) you’re going to remove and rinse the grains over the brew pot with a half gallon of hot water. The water should be about 170 to 180 degrees, but you’ll know it’s hot enough when you accidentally spill it on yourself and scald the shit out of your torso. Next time you’ll have another cigarette, and steady those hands up, now won’t you?

Go ahead and discard the grains, and add the malt extract, oats and malto dextrin. Bring this to a boil, and add the Bittering Hops. Let that boil for a while. At this point, you might want to take a nice cold bath to take care of those burns. Also, a cigarette and a scotch helps to take the edge off. By the time you’re done with that, you’ll probably be ready to add the Irish Moss and Aroma Hops, boil for twenty minutes, and add cold water.

You’ll want to let the wort cooled down to at least 70 degrees, so now is probably a good time to run out for a pack of cigarettes and a…let’s see…yeah, you’ll need another bottle of scotch. Probably the cheaper stuff this time, since you spent a lot of money on that Irish Moss, and that malto dextrin isn’t too cheap, either. Old Smuggler is a decent blended scotch, right? Anyway, you can get a lot of it, cheap. So get that. Get Old Smuggler.

When you get back, and the wort is sufficiently cooled, transfer it to your fermenter, and dry pitch the yeast. You’ll want your starting gravity to be about 1.05, or whatever. At this point, it’s always very difficult to time the primary and secondary fermentations, but you’ll know it’s done when you wake up in a handicapped stall Koala Kare changing station, in the women’s restroom of a local public pool. About twelve days or so, judging by the number of cigarette cartons around you.

Now, recipes vary on this next step, but my personal advice is to not try to figure out the horrible things you’ve done over the last fortnight, and just go ahead and add the priming sugar and five ounces of corn sugar to the ferment. For a smooth, even finish, you should bottle condition the stout for about two weeks, but I’m willing to bet you won’t be able to resist drinking it straight from your five-gallon fermenter with a turkey baster, and weeping into the living room rug. A great all-seasons stout!

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