I am an avid- you might even say obsessive fan of This American Life on NPR. There was a story two weeks ago in Episode 394: Bait and Switch, titled Friends with Economic Benefits. This episode tied in with something Iâve been thinking about a lot lately- fake online dating profiles. âWhat about them?,â you may ask. Theyâre hilarious! Thatâs what!
Whereas the TAL episode got into the nitty-gritty of how poor, third-world country folks scam unsuspecting Americans out of money over the internet (another topic in which Iâm deeply interested*), fake online dating profiles being one of the scammersâ means, the story didnât pay due attention to just how awesome these fake profiles are.
Now to appreciate a fake profile in all its flawed awesomeness, letâs first break down how such a profile is typically constructed. âNow hold up a tick!â I hear you saying. âWhat makes you an authority on fake online dating profiles, or online dating at all? Do you online date? Have you been scammed? Whatâs the deal?â No, I have not been scammed. Yes, I have been known, from time to time, to online date. (Shut up.) Iâve also come across too many of these amazing profiles to keep them, or my expertise on them, to myself. Are you done interrupting me? Can we please move on now? Thank you.
So the next time youâre working the online dating circuit, here are some tell-tale signs that the appealing profile youâre perusing is a fake. Keep in mind, any one of these signs by itself does not necessarily a fake profile make. However, check off a few of these, and you most likely have an enterprising, poor third-world countryman on your hands, or a middle-aged white man working for an âadultâ dating site, who wants to give you his hotmail address, so he can reroute you to the site he works for, so you can spend your money there. Here we go:
1) LOOKS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE
The photo of the person looks WAY too good. Like model good. Often times there is only one photo. If there are more photos, itâs possible that each photo is, in fact, of a different person. Maybe the scammers figure that if they hit you with pics of different women in the same profile, your hormone-riddled mind will simply mix them into one hot lady cocktail.
2) SAY WHAT!?
The âAbout Meâ portion of the profile, the first part that a user typically reads, doesnât make any damn sense. Itâs full of vagueness, repetition, clichĂ©s, and/or bad grammar/syntax/spelling. Here are some examples:
âlove to travel a lot and meet new exciting people who gave me the best shot ever…â
âI am looking for someone who [possesses the] same qualities I think anyone is looking forâ
âwant someone passionate who feels lots of passions for people and we have the passion between us, never losing passion for lifeâ
âI live life to the fullest.â
âam seeking for a man that is full in love,caring and honest to be the man of my heart ,the one i can saver as the angel of my life…â
âhaz to b nice 2 me. can b reel bit funni to sumtimeâ
3) MORE INFORMATION, PLEASE!
Aside from the photo and bio, there is no information about this person! Again, maybe the brain trust on the other end of this profile thinks its best to let you fill in the height, weight, occupation, personal interests, desired partner attributes, etc. with your imagination. Because who wouldnât want a blank check when withdrawing from the bank of love? Okay, forget that metaphor. I was going for something there, and I donât think it worked.
4) THIS GIRL HAS IT ALL!
The general message of the bio is that this person is a passionate, free-wheeling force of nature who still appreciates the finer things in life, and will be a good nurturer. She has been to many places and experienced many things. She has it all. She may even describe her affinity for being photographed, or her mad skillz on the dance floor. More suggestive features to guide the imagination.
So there you have it. Four indicators that you might be online falling in love with a fake person. Have you yourself fallen for any of these tricks? Are you thinking that Iâm wrong because most of what Iâve described fits your profile? Are you now realizing that youâre not real? Please let me know your thoughts, concerns, or personal experiences in the matter.
And while you ponder these questions, I leave you with a fake bio, unedited, in all itâs gloryâŠ
I just like to have a good time some one who can make me happy. I like to go out with the girlsand also boys who also has a passion intimate affair or mabe dating.dancing is one of my favoritelikewise do a naughty dance and be crazy in the dance floor.But I also like to stay in andcuddle and watch movies in house with someone can pampered me.I take care of the ones i love and i will never fail to make you smile!I wanna make my thing be full ofhappiness.You know that guys,everything is impossible here in the world.
Letâs never forget, everything is impossible here in the world.
*For more on third-world country internet scammers, another excellent TAL story worth checking out is Episode 363: Enforcers, Act One. Hanging in Chad.